In my last post I was banging on about my morning routine, and how to improve it. Within literally a day of posting that a solution of sorts presented itself – adrenaline. Work has been busy for a while now but throw a couple of different deadlines into the mix and suddenly it felt like a whole new ball game.
For the last two weeks (almost) I’ve been getting to work earlier, working through lunch and staying late, because it felt necessary to do that in order to meet the deadlines. Also, the truth is that I’m happiest when I’m stressed and pressured. It makes me feel like what I do matters. Some times I wonder if the Gods look down on us all scurrying around like little ants, pretending that what we spend all day doing is actually important. (Before anyone has a go at me, yes there are some jobs that even the most cold-hearted of Gods would recognise as genuinely important). In weeks like the one I’ve just had, those thoughts go out of my head. Adrenaline was what was propelling me out of bed quicker in the mornings and powering me through the day. All I was thinking about (almost) was work, and what had to be done that day.
On top of that, I was studying in every bit of spare time for the maths test that I was asked to do for my MBA application. Update – I failed it 😦 As a result, they’ve asked me to do an online MBA Maths program, which has 4 modules, each requiring approx 20 hours study. This is on top of my 50 hour weeks. Clearly, I’m insane to even consider this, but now that the MBA bug is under my skin, and because I hate the feeling of failure SO much, I’m determined to do it and I’m determined to pass and be accepted into the program. The online program is timed – I have to have my results in to be assessed by the 20th August. FML…
Still on the MBA subject, my workmate found me in the photocopy room the other day muttering about how much I hate problem solving. She raised her eyebrow and queried “Erm… is an MBA really for you then?” I got all boringly earnest on her for a few minutes about how the fact that I hate problem solving, algebra gives me hives, and I avoid spreadsheets at all costs is precisely why I want to do this. How can I become a truly well-rounded professional when some parts of my job make me this anxious? I want to face the fear and overcome it. I could probably coast along not doing this, for 10 or 20 more years. I would learn on the job and in more senior roles I can delegate all that shitty stuff. But delegating it is what has gotten me into this position of being embarrassed my lack of competence in some areas and I don’t want to bluff. I want to be one of those rare people who can do the financial and technical stuff as well as the writing and talking (my natural comfort zone). I think we’ve all worked with at least one of those people and respected them. I think I scared my workmate a bit by being such a total nerd-face. There’s something about being a woman,I believe, that makes us feel we should downplay our ambition a bit, especially to each other. Bugger that I say 🙂
Anyway so back to my original point – workload increase + study = adrenaline (see what I did there? That looks almost like maths 😉 ). Hello adrenaline, goodbye slow mornings. This seemed to be working a charm for all of two weeks, until…..
I got sick. Down for the count. Out to it. WHAT A PAIN IN THE ARSE! The timing couldn’t BE worse! To say I’m pissed about it would be to describe Tom Cruise as eccentric or Napoleon as a bit short. This is so unfair. The sore throat started two nights ago and then yesterday the aches and pains started in earnest and overnight I’ve got the full on throat, headache, temperature, sore eyes, sore ears etc etc.
Lately in particular I’ve been doing everything right, or so I’m telling myself – eating well (I’ve started doing Lite n Easy again – SO convenient, I really should blog about that), personal training twice a week, lots of water, vitamins etc, and I still get sick. The only factor I can pinpoint is that I’ve been a bit stressed and that the adrenaline I was praising for it’s rocket-up-the-arse benefits just isn’t that good health-wise.
Some people never seem to get sick. My boss is one of them. I really must ask her her secret one day. I, on the other hand, seem to have some kind of regular quarterly sick cycle. This morning, between moping about the house trying to stay warm, and answering only the most important work emails, I’ve googled why people with a healthy (ish – no rose coloured glasses here) lifestyle still get sick. One thing that jumped out at me was the quote “Stop worrying about getting sick. Constant worrying causes cortisol and epinephrine levels to rise – and these stress hormones can weaken the body’s overall immunity” (www.webmd.com). Perhaps this is my problem. Perhaps this is bleeding obvious to anyone else and I’m just a little slow on the uptake. While part of my brain was perversely enjoying the panicky feeling, my body wasn’t coping at all. I guess this brings me back to what seems to be the theme for my life at the moment – trying to achieve balance.
The ‘B’ word. Anyone else think they’ve got this nailed and care to share your secrets? Meanwhile, I’ve just taken my temp and it’s 38.4 – time for more panadol.